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Editorial
Spa Dentistry
William E. Stein D.D.S.
Earlier this year I attended a course on the hottest new concept in our profession: spa dentistry.
What an amazing notion! Pamper your patients with a vast array of amenities to lower their anxieties and win their undying loyalty!
Of Course, spa dentistry would require more time. One of the virtues of years of seasoning in our healing art is the ability to provide quality restorations and other procedures quickly and efficiently. How would I manage to keep the same rate of production while still being able to provide the odd triple latte' and fresh, moist chocolate chip cookie?
I had the answer: a new building dedicated to spa dentistry. Thanks to low interest rates and a great credit rating, I was able to purchase the abandoned National Guard Armory. Thus, I was able to go from four to 30 operatories.
I would sit in my central private office wearing a page, the 30 treatment rooms surrounding me in circular fashion like spikes on a wheel. When the patients would complete their complimentary spa experience, I would be summoned to scurry in and perform, say, a D-O composite on tooth #29 or a quick root canal on #8.
The following are the numerical designations and dedications of some of the operatories:
1. Hot paraffin wax (wherever you need it).
2. Botox injections (certainly delegatable to trained hygienists).
3. Starbuck's franchise.
4. Famous Mavis Chocolate Chip Cookies.
5. Video game salon for pediatric and adolescent patients. My big problem here is chasing down the little buggers to fix their teeth while they are still mesmerized by the likes of "Tomb Raider".
6. Foot massage. (I was able to acquire a volunteer to do this gratis "go figure").
7. Full body massage. (Luckily I have a son in the business.) This is my least favorite room. If you haven't seen a fully body massage table, the patient lies prone with his or her face protruding through a padded hole in the table. My assistant and I have to wheel in on our backs on a pair of those little gizmos auto mechanics use. There we attempt to do dentistry on our backs not unlike Michelangelo painting the Sistine Chapel. Gravity is not in our favor, and the drool we encounter is daunting, to say the least.
8. Marital and family counseling. If this catches on, the access problem could be a thing of the past.
9. Juice bar. So far not that popular.
10. Bloody Mary bar. Very popular.
11. Substance abuse treatment. Gaining in popularity.
12. Golf simulator. Very hard to book into this room. Some patient named Quam has scheduled it eight hours a day through April.
13. Hot tub hydrotherapy periodontics. Need I say more?
14. Fr. Paul available to hear confessions.
I was mulling over a proposal from a local entrepreneur to provide lap dancing services when my notebook fell to the floor with a clatter and I awoke to find I had nodded off at the seminar! Relieved to find it was all a dream, I resolved to never again have leftover venison and anchovy pizza for breakfast.
Something about spa dentistry does appeal to me, but I think I will start on a lesser scale. Perhaps a small crockpot full of moist, scented hand towels would be a nice beginning.
· Dr. Stein is Executive Editor of Northwest Dentistry. He is a general dentist in private practice in Aitkin, Minnesota,
aitkindent@aol.com
Copyright 2003. Minnesota Dental Association
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